Stress can be a horrible thing. I took on new responsibilities at work and my gym time has suffered. The position is going to be incredibly challenging and fun, the reward is small but I think it is a great fit for me. I am really excited, nervous and happy about this new position.

I did do the Penguin Plunge for Special Olympics and it was GREAT! Raised a nice sum for the local chapter.

We are now trying to do one week per month that is meatless. The first full week went better than I thought.

Things are not well with my darling, I love him with all my heart but it seems like every time I open my mouth it ends in a fight. I don't know where to begin to fix this, and I do want to fix this, but the crack is there in this mirror. We use to have fun just being together, now we seem to be at each others throat. My heart breaks at the thought that maybe I am just not enough for him any more. I know his stress level is high, he is not working right now. I get frustrated because it seems he isn't trying hard enough. Finances are suffering and that just adds to everything. It seems like there is never enough money coming in to cover what needs to go out.

Next week is a chance to start again! Let's hope.

Happy New Year! Everyone seems to get on a New Year, New You kick this time of year. I blew December badly, too many hours working and taking care of holiday crap. Not enough gym time and my body feels it.

I have to get back into the gym, restart so to speak. I will commit to three days per week at least 30 minutes each day. I will work back up to the hours that I enjoyed.

I am still way down on soda consumption and we are having a "meatless" night every time we get a paycheck. I am hoping my DH will return to work soon, so prayers for that would be appreciated.

The weight loss is slow but I know I am gaining muscle, I am starting to really love my arms.
I am thinking of doing a Penguin Plunge for the Special Olympics. We'll see if that insanity takes root.

I have almost survived the holidays.

I have to say this....if you have not yet purchased gifts that must be mailed (to anywhere) upgrade your shipping and if you chose not to do not get pissed at the customer service rep. when it doesn't arrive on time. Feel free to lie to your recipients that you purchased it in time, but don't call screaming at the rep. The nicer you are to a CS rep the more likely you will get your way.

I have had some great days and some not so great days. This week finds me sidelined with this yuckie stomach thing. I have been meeting with a health coach at work and even got the honey into making changes with me. Our goal for the month of January is 2 nights that we eat .....oh god I can't believe I am typing this...NO MEAT. That is a huge step for us, but one that I think we will survive. We are devout carnivores, so this is a really big deal. I am thinking our first meatless dinner will be veggie burgers on whole wheat, salad and sweet potato fries. Anyone got thoughts on a second dinner.

The exercising is going great, I can tell that I have lost weight. I am down a whole pants size, but haven't purchased new just yet. I love the muscles I am growing! The soda thing is still working out, I haven't gone totally off soda, but my reduction is dramatic.

Here's hoping the New Year will bring a New Me!

Slower weeks at work have meant the time is there for the gym. I have hit it for 75 minutes, 3 days a week for the last three weeks. It is awesome, more people are work are suddenly hitting the gym.

Sweep wise we won a national contest for a super expensive mattress. I am very excited!

Where are things? Hell if i know. My best friend and closest relative has fallen apart and it frustrates me that I can't save her. My work has kicked into busy season early this year. Working 70 hours, 10 hours of drive time, 3 1/2 hours of lunch time and I am super exhausted. But I did manage this week to get in 2 days at the gym, a total of an hour and a half. GO ME!

Last week I failed miserably, no gym time at all. My youngest had her worse ever asthma attack. We get her back to school and the idoit nurse didn't give her any treatments. She claimed she didn't know she had to. I held myself back from asking WTF do you think we brought all her tubing, medications, releases, physician authorizations, etc in for?

Here's hoping this week goes better!

I want my family to understand how important this is to me and help me, at least encourage me on this path. Instead I feel like the husband beside me is a complete stranger, rather than the soul mate I thought I had.

I hit the gym this week a total of 2 hours and 20 minutes. I did have one 20 oz full calorie soda, the rest was water or diet soda. I had breakfast 4 out of 7 days. I worked my ass off at work, 14 hours of overtime. Not including the 3 hours for lunches, the 12 hours of travel time. I am exhausted to the point of tears. It is my only day off and I have to spend it cleaning, rather than resting up for the next week of overtime. Because my family was "too tired" to help clean. WTF do you think I am?

I don't want an affair, I don't want to cheat on my husband but dammit I want to feel like someone desires me. Like I hold some value other than the paycheck and the ass I give up. It is 1 in the afternoon and I am bawling my eyes out while he snores behind me. I want someone to walk beside me, to hold me when I sob. TO MOTHER FUCKING GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME!!!

Introduction

The great thing about a blog is I can be anyone! But to resolve some of the mystery for those few souls who stumble upon this blog an introduction is necessary.

I have been married for 15 years to a disabled Veteran. No, we were not high school sweethearts, I actually knew I would marry him before I ever saw his face. I am a butt lady, I love sexy butts on men! I have three beautiful children, hubba bubba, pretty princess and bella. They are all part of the reason for this journey. I am originally from the southeast now living in the northeast, talk about culture shock.

My journey is one of redemption, I am hoping to redeem more than just my waistline. I am hoping to redeem my self pride and the knowledge of WHO I AM. I am more than just a mother and wife, and I crave that knowledge.

My weight when starting this is 294 1/2 pounds, just typing those numbers bring tears to my eyes. I know how I got to this point and I know I have a long road ahead of me. This can not be a crash diet, this can not be a fad diet. I have to change my life style or I will not live to see my beautiful babies grow up.

I am an emotional eater, having survived years of child hood abuse I learned to not show when something hurt. Why cry when you can have pie! Wash that down with a two liter of Dr. Pepper add years of not facing the emotions, burying the emotionally toxic fallout and viola 294 1/2 pounds. It really is not hard to do, you just stop giving a shit about what you put into your body. McDonald's for breakfast, Wendy's for lunch, and Chinese for dinner, telling your self it is because you are too busy. Hey it was mostly all from the dollar menu so it didn't cost that much. LIES, LIES, LIES! Keeping that type of diet up and you can expect a nice prescription for Metformin to the tune of up to $100 without insurance per month. Skip the pill and go straight to the needle? Sure, as long as you have no problem paying $90-150 for each vial you will use, typically each month. OOPS did we forget the needles, can't do it without those---toss in another $25-50 per month. Damn it that dollar burger just got expensive.

My downfalls:
1. Full calorie, super sugared Dr. Pepper
2. Potatoes, fried, chipped, roasted, boiled, grilled, mashed...you name it I LOVE EM.
3. Desserts, haven't met one I didn't like. Hell I'm from the south where do you think Fried Oreos come from??
4. Fried foods. OMG you could batter a dead horses butt and fry it and I would probably try it.
5. Eating out. I love Chinese food, buffet restaurants, steak houses, fast food....maybe its because I don't have to do the dishes.

My job is both a good thing and a bad thing for this plan. I am a customer service specialist for a good sized mail order company based in the state where I live. I work with a great bunch of people, some of the strongest, funniest men and women you would ever want to know. The bad part is my job involves sitting on my butt for 6-12 hours a day.

The good thing is the company has an excellent wellness program. I have access to a beautiful three room gym. The first room has weights and circuit type equipment, the second has cardio stuff, (the elliptical I am growing fond of) and the third one is just one big open room with a whole wall that is a mirror. There is no way in hell I am going in that room anytime soon, thank you very much. Showers are also part of the gym, good thing too I think I could get stinky!

The company also provides a health coach as well as a web site to help me research alot of information.

So here is the plan.
1. Switch from full calorie to diet soda and cut consumption WAY down. 20 oz or less per day.
2. Increase water consumption, goal is 8 8 oz glasses of ice water PER DAY!
3. Hit the gym for at least 20 minutes a day, three times per week. Increase regularly!
4. Plan meals.
5. Less eating out.
6. Make better food choices. White is not right!
7. Once a week do something that blesses me!